Its still early enough to encounter things that “WE” had intended to do. Places “we” had intended to go. Those thoughts came today but the pain was minimal.
I have the money for the car here but rem and dons tok the Alfa for a drive and it didn’t muck up at all.
Today, I have once more slept almost all day. Weak as a lamb. I am growing accustomed to it. My Girl won a school award today. Wonderful !
Its quiet and dark and I am better at night than in the daytime. I got to live long enough to see the things I am seeing now. I am getting to see the Little Girls. And my own Kids as grown ups.
So – toughen up, Girl.Toughen up.
As so often in my Recovery, I am in the very difficult process of discipline. Of being still. Of allowing myself to be changed. I see it as the Incredible Hulk effect.The writhing transformation.
I am in one of those times which is not OUTCOME DIRECTED. That was the terminology being used when I stopped teaching school in 2005. OUTCOME DIRECTED. Not so – times like these. I have no idea of any Outcome to even try to direct myself to. I sit here, And attempt to allow myself to be changed. Into whatever is next. I would not do that if I could see a viable alternative – but I can’t. I thought I was sitting here on $10000 with all my major needs covered. Great Computer. Marvellous Car and then they went Poof! and the Money got gobbled and now – back to the changing room. Different makeup. Different costuming. All different.
The Midnight Train is passing through town now. That means bed for me.
Another day of profound fatigue but without the depression. I did an hour of the NA meeting before sleepiness overcame me. I got $1000 cash from the Post Office towards the car. I am unfamiliar with processes like this and can be very stressed by them but I am OK today. In the afternoon I had a visit from JulH and her friend from down South. VW. That was a pleasure. I am surrounded by programme and as Adrian Bradley once said to Jayne Marie ” whether you like it or not is irrelevant. What is crucial is that you know that your survival depends upon it. ” This week is doing that for me.
We talked of auto immune disorders and BUSYNESS and many of the matters which affect people with long term recovery. I gave them potatoes from the garden to take home. I am a shoddy housekeeper and poor hostess – but I did have fresh potatoes.
I was also published today on an Irish Recovery Blog. Tickled pink – so I am. Tickled pink.
Hi LynneThis is Nicky from I Love Recovery CafeI published your article today – I absolutely loved it. You have an incredible talent. If you want to have more of your work on the website I’d be honoured to accept it.I so appreciate your submission. Thank you so very much.Regards.Nicky.
At one stage today. I sat for a good while with the camera on multi-shot. I found that the garden didn’t grow a lot in 20 seconds. Guess, Recovery is the same.
IMAGINE IF I ACTUALLY BECAME CHEERFUL. JUST IMAGINE THAT.
I ts quiet here tonight and I am now in Mourning. I did a few powerful things today. I rang the Road Traffic Association and found that the Kombi was already transferred to the Girls. I got my electricity payments in order and I had the sense to ring LH in Yamba regarding Centrelink. She handled it all smoothly for me and in minutes. Address changed. Super declared. I think taxes are next and the girls have the papers so I shall just call ATO and ask advice.
PHOTO FROM MY FRIEND AND SAVING GRACE – SANDRA CLARK OF URUNGA. TAKEN AT HUNGRY HEAD.
Back in August I was trolling around on Twitter when I found 12 Steps Illustrated.And immediately, I was blown away by the illustration posted at the top of the page.And yes, the image I’m talking about is the one on the left.As you can see, it’s raw and full of emotional intensity. And I knew that I had to meet whoever was responsible for creating this incredible piece of art.
A full day in bed. Collapsed and tormented. Coming to a decision about letting go of my Alfa and buying Curry’s Astra. I WOULD LIKE to cry but tears don’t come . I fee like I am sliding down a greasy pole and losing all the way. Talk about the descending life. Take Izzy out of the structure and the collapse is on.
Now I have been to the Tuesday Urunga AA meeting and I begin to feel spiritually well again. I haven’t felt that way very often over the last year. The meeting was about the Global Comfort of the Fellowship. I have had that via Internet this year but less than usual n my local fellowship. No matter The day is here. I haven’t picked up. I was laughing tonight with People who were warm and beginning to feel like someone waking from a deep nightmare.
Time has eaten me alive, Pulverised me. Living with this disease has pulverised me. Val once said that Wal and I were spiritually tormented and I think she is right.
I stayed home again. Except for a short trip to Urunga Markets to get a wooden toilet roll holder. I didn’t even spiral into despair. My friends Dennis and MaryA paid a short visit between Ukulele Gigs.I was thinking they had taken me in dislike because they were up this way and hadn’t sent me so much as a message but turns out they are simply flat out and they came to see me. They have a Renault much the same era as Alfie and are striking similar problems and coming to similar decisions about changing back to small and simple.
Al C is bringing the Astra for me to look at tomorrow. I don’t know what else to do. I shall call Col the Alfa Man tomorrow and ask him how to sell mine.
BRING BACK THE ELDERHOOD
BRING IT BACK FROM THE DREAMING LYNNE. Don’t be such a baby about things. I have decided that I had best make the best of things. Genius !