I actually did one more meeting. It worked one more time. When in doubt go to meetings even when you recoil with a sick stomach at the thought of them.
I do not even recall what it was about – but it did work.
I made a Doc’s appointment for tomorrow in Coffs. I like to go local but I do not like any of the doctors I have seen here and the wait is over one week. Jon’s friend wants me to have scans and bloods etc. I also wish to book my flights to Sydney in the first week of December.
And I went for dinner with the Gs fro Brisbane. A couple that I really like who have been very good to me and who lived here when she was a girl.
One more simple day.
One more day in the Shack.
ALL IS FUNDAMENTALLY WELL.
I remember what the Meeting was about now.
“…we give love because it was given so freely to us. New frontiers are open to us as we learn how to love. Love can be the flow of life energy from one person to another.”
Basic Text, p. 105
Love given, and love received, is the essence of life itself. It is the universal common denominator, connecting us to those around us. Addiction deprived us of that connection, locking us within ourselves.
The love we find in the NA program reopens the world to us. It unlocks the cage of addiction which once imprisoned us. By receiving love from other NA members, we find out—perhaps for the first time—what love is and what it can do. We hear fellow members talk about the sharing of love, and we sense the substance it lends to their lives.
We begin to suspect that, if giving and receiving love means so much to others, maybe it can give meaning to our lives, too. We sense that we are on the verge of a great discovery, yet we also sense that we won’t fully understand the meaning of love unless we give ours away. We try it, and discover the missing connection between ourselves and the world.
Today, we realize that what they said was true: “We keep what we have only by giving it away.”
Just for today: Life is a new frontier for me, and the vehicle I will use to explore it is love. I will give freely the love I have received.
LOTS OF VARIOUS EMOTIONS
I have just survived an era of clearly defined signs of LOVE. I spit on ALL of those clear definitions. Love is no something to be measured AT ALL. The recent era involved HUGS and ACTIONS WORDS and outside perceptions and I were at times worried because I am no hugger and not skilled at words of love nor gifted in helpful actions. My Lad and I give each other a nod – but the nod means a great deal. I wasn’t here for my Dad – but to this day I see his smooth skin and hear his wry humour. We joke around in my family – disguising profound and enduring love. That is good enough and just fine.
Old Fred said to me once that in drinking he sought a big lot of love from one place and in sobriety, he found the same amount of love in lots of little places. That works for me. The Lorikeet’s kiss. The rain Falling. The Gs taking me for dinner. My girl ringing. My bed that Iz bought a couple of weeks before he died. Lots of little bits of Love.