Here it comes again – the searing midnight pain when staying up hurts too much and bed is a dread filled place with the brumby mad mind bucking and kicking and the nausea rising. He’s gone. All the bits and pieces are gone. There is nothing left. Novembers we travelled South. Novembers we went to Kathy’s birthdays. All done now. All gone.
There is nothing and noone to touch – to lie with – to hold on to. Noone to help me. Noone to love.
Behind the violent onslaught of Midnight Mind – I am aware that I have made another day without drugging or drinking or smoking. One more day which takes me no further into suffering. Simply wearied and worried and terribly lonely.