Tonight’s meeting was maybe 15-16 people. I even like some of them. A storm almost hit at the end but passed over.
I go to Sydney on Saturday. One thing I say about myself is not that I am not PORTABLE. I have as yet not totally freaked out but I well could. I need to get together all the Medico stuff and tickets etc. I wish I were going on to Eden but it doesn’t look like it will be this trip. I am celebrating Jon’s 60th and meeting Baby Louis. I shall therefore need some small gifts. Jon is to meet me at the airport and then we go to Summer Hill. Party Lunch.
I am focussed on : I am an addict – powerless over my addiction. So NO. 1. I don’t pick up. I don’t drink.I don’t drug. Don’t accept their drugs the Medicos). Don’t smoke nor likewise gamble.
That gives me a target. A Baseline. Whatever else happens, whatever else I do or don’t do – if I don’t use – all is well.
Because, if I were to do so, my new and fragile reconstruction would surely tumble and fall. I might not survive that.
I am also putting on the second step glasses – and believing that I will go as a sane woman who doesn’t run round nekked in circles screaming in the airport or Liverpool Hospital. Something will keep me sane through this – possibly even cheerful and delightful.
Being Non- Portable means that even small trips take some pretty full on programming by ME.
I need to tell myself clearly that I am going on Saturday and COMING HOME on Wednesday.
I do need to work out a small computer or tablet set up but all my money is going out on the damned cars. NO MATTER. No matter at all.
I am going down to get a profile of the Hep C. That’s all. No invasive procedures. No guinea pig medications.
I am going down to see the new baby and to celebrate my brother’s birthday.
Then I come home to spend Xmas Days here. Including lunch at the new but unfinished house. Then I work out what to do about Eden ad Holidays.
OK. So tonight is just about done. The car has passed Rego. I am clean and sober. Meeting is done. All the rest will or will not come about.
That’s it for the night. I’m tired and I have been fortunate enough to have a few nights of ordinary sleeping. A few pretty good days as well. I have a book to read on my Kindle. I don’t like it but I am still reading it. All the little midges of worries are nibbling at me but there’s nothing to do tonight and tomorrow I can attend to things that need attending to.