It is quiet here tonight and I am quiet. I mourn a little more and I think of many things. That’s the way of it. I seem almost numb at the moment. Not so much numb as BECALMED. Life is passing through me. I think of Iz when the Night is here and he still seems real to me then.
I allow the thinking to roam around inside of me and I allow ideas to come and go and theories to develop. I am trying to recall the various elements of the Sojourn and there are too many to remember in one or two days.
I drank coffee which is an unusual thing for me to do. And I ate squid which I have never done before and prawns. I liked the squid but still didn’t like prawns. DR SCOTT seemed to suggest to me that my organs are less damaged than they might otherwise be and that the obesity is playing a big part in my physical distress. He also did less of the END OF LIFE scare campaign I have been getting up here and wants me to go on Harvoni in March. I SHALL CONSIDER IT. He seemed to indicate that I could live much longer than I have been thinking all year.
That means taking the weight issue seriously.
That means taking the exercise thingo seriously.
That means re-framing what I was thinking of for my future.
WHEN IN DOUBT – DON’T.
CARRYING THE MESSAGE
Now, what about the rest of the Twelfth Step? The wonderful energy it releases and the eager action by which it carries our message to the next suffering alcoholic and which finally translates the Twelve Steps into action upon all our affairs is the payoff, the magnificent reality, of Alcoholics Anonymous.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 109
To renounce the alcoholic world is not to abandon it, but to act upon principles I have come to love and cherish, and to restore in others who still suffer the serenity I have come to know. When I am truly committed to this purpose, it matters little what clothes I wear or how I make a living. My task is to carry the message, and to lead by example, not design.
From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.