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THAT was a funny old day but I enjoyed it. I am slowly – so slowly and so gently healing. Donna told me about her father after major surgery. She said it took him 2 years to get himself back and finally it was fishing down at the Lido that did it. That’s rather like what is happening to me here. Flat footed and gentle.

I didn’t leave home again and it suits me well. I spoke with Eden on Facetime and the Brierfield People went to parties out in the Valleys and I stayed here . I mowed some of the lawns myself and then Remi came and really took care of it. Fixed the feng shui – he said. We cleaned up all the yard because they go North to Mackay to live on Monday and won’t be here to help me or give me company. I regret that but the next good thing will present.

Something has changed the last few weeks and with the trip to Sydney. I am no longer afraid of imminent death. I see a little chance of losing some weight and being able to move more easily. And to breathe would also be nice.

Its dark now with the street silent. No surf noise nor trains passing. Haven’t heard a car for a goodly while. I am growing accustomed to being alone. Today I have been quite well physically. Life is far easier on those days. I have begin to eliminate the foods I KNOW are weight increasing. Gently. Gently.

Whoever thought a skinny junky would become a woman ill with obesity ?

Most days I swim and walk through the water and on sand. Gently. Gently.

And I walk through memories and plans in much the same way.  Taken aback on occasion when I enter water and find it deeper and colder and more turbulent than I expected and myself less fit to swim than I once was. My hand reaching out for the one who held it for 7 years only to find it gone.

Then come the sweet and kindly times like tonight and I lie floating on my back as I like to do – on a lagoon of memory .