Well – 28 years clean and sober and I would do several things if I could do them without paying a terrible price.

I would smoke cigarettes but I tried that before in the early 2000s on the Tweed and the suffering was horrible.

I would run off with a bad man – but I did that in 2001 and the price was extraordinarily high. I felt much like I do now when I did that. It certainly did not pay off for me.

I would use and I would drink to escape feeling the way I do. The bleak despair of the boredom of life in this manner. But I totally know that drinking or using would turn into SHEER HELL.

I would like to go to hospital and tell them I am in pain and crazy and then get sedated – but likewise – the outcome would be gruesome. I would like to zombie out on something – anything- but it might not work. And it would maybe send me crazy. And they would start telling me what to do again. Plus I might have to withdraw and I cannot hang out ever again.

 Leaving me with what options ?

NA Just For Today

A New Way To Live

“When at the end of the road we find that we can no longer function as a human being, either with or without drugs, we all face the same dilemma…. Either go on as best we can to the bitter ends-jails, institutions, or death-or find a new way to live.”
Basic Text pg. 84


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