XMAS EVE

I woke to very heavy rain this morning.  Its a wet and cold Xmas and we keep vigil over the children’s grandfather who is now in Bellingen Hospital where my own Dad died.

I bought more gifts than I could comfortably afford – by way of my own thinking. I have been trying to recall the joy in spending that Izzy had and he was always abundant.  I stayed in Urunga. Much of my present behaviour was within me before the Death and the Coma but those two events have re-ignited it and I wear it like a crab wears its shell.  I do believe I am also scuttling sideways through each day and you know what – it don’t matter, It really don’t matter. I am making it. I am staying clean. I am staying alive. So far – I haven’t done mortal damage to anything or anyone.

Today, we can, each of us, look back on our lives and get a glimmering of why something happened and how it fit into the larger mosaic of our lives. And this will continue to be true for us. We have stumbled. We will stumble. And we learn about ourselves, about what makes us stumble and about the methods of picking ourselves up.

Each Day a New Beginning.

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