I am getting through these couple of days although a trifle miserable right now. I would have done better to get myself out to the Meeting this afternoon.

My daughter was born on this day in 1978. I have not seen her today.I had just begun a familiar descent into misery a few minutes back and then thought  STOP THINKING – YOU ARE MAKING YOUR SELF MISERABLE.

So I guess I will go on with the OLD PROVERBIAL RECOVERY tonight and gather pretty pictures and words of wisdom and stop attempting to achieve or analyse anything at all.

I shall drink a protein drink and maybe some Chinese herbs.

I shall sit with the Eden people on Facetime and maybe take a look outside in the coolness of a rainy night.

I shall think about the night she was born in the middle of a very violent storm at 10.37 pm. up in Bellingen Hospital where her paternal grandfather is dying now.

I shall consider the Little Girls. And the Beachshack and if the Izzy wound is not too raw tonight I shall think of how wonderful it was to finally have a companion. ‘ the great relief of having you to talk to “.

I guess I leave that one alone tonight. Still bleeding. Still bleeding. Cover the wound for the night and let it heal a little.

I haven’t lashed out on chocolate or over eating.

I haven’t pushed my Girl to the edge of her emotional and physical limits.

The fluid is dramatically eased and I can move freely. Fairly freely.

This day is done. Leave it be now. Leave it be.

black swan

Open my mind to happy thoughts. Take away my self-pity, I don’t want it. Take away my ill will towards others. Make it possible for me to feel joy, love, and compassion. Help me to accept what is, to hold my tongue, to do my daily task, and to let go with love. Take away my worry about the future.



1 xmas day 2015

Getting EGO out of the way truly did work. We laughed and loved. I am home alone today on my Girl’s birthday – but it does not matter.

Its perfectly beautiful weather. A classic Urunga Summertime with the tide high in the lagoon and families laughing and celebrating and kayaks on the water.


Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seeming
failure or success?

Can we now accept and adjust to
either without despair or pride?

Can we accept poverty,
sickness, loneliness, and bereavement with courage and

Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the
humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when
the brighter, more glittering achievements are denied



Good self-care is vital. Remember to slow down. Take some quiet time each day and work on an attitude of gratitude. Plan relaxation and meditation into your day, even for a few minutes, no matter how busy you are. Relax your standards and reduce overwhelming demands and responsibilities.

Don’t overindulge. Go easy on the holiday sweets and follow a balanced diet. Monitor your intake of caffeine, nicotine and sugar. Exercise regularly to help maintain your energy level amid a busier schedule. Don’t try to do too much. Get plenty of sleep. Fatigue is a stressor. Maintain some kind of schedule and plan ahead; don’t wait until the last minute to purchase gifts or prepare to entertain.

Enhance your support system. Holidays are a good time to reach out more frequently to your therapist, sponsor, spiritual advisor, or support group. If you’re in recovery, spend time with fellow recovering people. Let others help you realize your personal limits. Learn to say “no” in a way that is comfortable for you.

Find new ways to celebrate. Create some new symbols and rituals that will help redefine a joyful holiday season. You might host a holiday gathering for special recovering friends and/or attend celebrations of your Twelve Step group. Avoid isolation and spend time with people you like who are not substance users. Don’t expose yourself to unnecessary temptations, such as gatherings where alcohol is the center of entertainment. If there are people who have a negative influence on you, avoid them.

Focus on your recovery program. Holidays are also an important time to focus on your recovery program. For example, ask, “What am I working on in my program now?” Discuss this with your sponsor.

Release your resentments.