QUIETLY ON BOXING DAY

SAF NANA XMAS

I am getting through these couple of days although a trifle miserable right now. I would have done better to get myself out to the Meeting this afternoon.

My daughter was born on this day in 1978. I have not seen her today.I had just begun a familiar descent into misery a few minutes back and then thought  STOP THINKING – YOU ARE MAKING YOUR SELF MISERABLE.

So I guess I will go on with the OLD PROVERBIAL RECOVERY tonight and gather pretty pictures and words of wisdom and stop attempting to achieve or analyse anything at all.

I shall drink a protein drink and maybe some Chinese herbs.

I shall sit with the Eden people on Facetime and maybe take a look outside in the coolness of a rainy night.

I shall think about the night she was born in the middle of a very violent storm at 10.37 pm. up in Bellingen Hospital where her paternal grandfather is dying now.

I shall consider the Little Girls. And the Beachshack and if the Izzy wound is not too raw tonight I shall think of how wonderful it was to finally have a companion. ‘ the great relief of having you to talk to “.

I guess I leave that one alone tonight. Still bleeding. Still bleeding. Cover the wound for the night and let it heal a little.

I haven’t lashed out on chocolate or over eating.

I haven’t pushed my Girl to the edge of her emotional and physical limits.

The fluid is dramatically eased and I can move freely. Fairly freely.

This day is done. Leave it be now. Leave it be.

black swan

Open my mind to happy thoughts. Take away my self-pity, I don’t want it. Take away my ill will towards others. Make it possible for me to feel joy, love, and compassion. Help me to accept what is, to hold my tongue, to do my daily task, and to let go with love. Take away my worry about the future.

 

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