YOU ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE

WELL DANG ME

THE WATERS OF MY SPIRITUAL LAGOON ARE LANDLOCKED AND FILTHY.

 A big clash with a family member today. Tis is a truly squiffy time this year.

LIVE AND LET LIVE.

Meeting is done. Lunch at Pomegranate with the group. Then the phone clash.

LIVE AND LET LIVE.

Dashed if I have any other ideas.

LETS FLUSH HER OUT. LIFESAVERS ON DUTY

I am sober. I am clean.

LOWER YOUR STANDARDS – said Rog to me once. Clean today is good enough.

ASK NOTHING.

OFFER NOTHING.

Next time I shall hang up more quickly.  I DID not invite that phone call and I do not accept the abuse.

___________________________________

Now to work on the stuff that has been troubling me.

One way or another, I seem to have offended quite a lot of people this Summer. It could be simply that I am offensive or it could be that I am getting well. I have experienced those things before.

Both of them. One thing I do know is that I have been trying to make people happy and OK and failing. Another thing that I know is that I have also been trying to find safe places for myself by giving money and throwing scenes. Done now. Done now.

I AM SITTING letting words I have heard come to mind.

TENNIS EDDIE FROM COOGEE- keep the little blue flame of outrage burning ready to light up when needed.

BEDE FROM RANDWICK – treat yourself like your own best friend.

NICHOLAS FROM COFFS – on being told that he was very sensitive – yes I put a lot of hard work into being this sensitive.

_______________________________________

The main thing I have been doing is what Step 3 says – trying to organise the whole show. Trying to make things OK for the people I love. I have blown it somehows.

HANDS OFF NOW, LYNNE. NO MORE.

Come into the Kitchen and dance M’Lady.

Snuggle in with me and I shall take you travelling.

THE WORM HAS TURNED.

FUA.

It is NOT my business what other people think of me.

____________________________________

STEP 3 FROM THE BIG BOOK . 

I’M NOT TRYING TO FORGET YOU ANYMORE

ON THE MAINLINE

JUST BREATHING

FINDHORN

DEATH HAVE NO FEAR

I’M NOT TRYING TO FORGET YOU ANYMORE

ON THE MAINLINE

JUST BREATHING

FINDHORN

DEATH HAVE NO FEAR

CONSIDERING A MOVE – IN SLOW MOTION

Today, I went to meeting and then to look at the studio and back to Kaybees. I will make no decision tonight. I shall pray and think. Pray and think.

Discuss and clarify.

There are 2 meetings per week in Bellingen and access to 2 in Urunga.

There is close access to my kids and grandkids.

Trouble is – she may be leaving in 10 months.

Perhaps I should take a wee leap into a new world.

GRIEF AS AN OLD MAN SEES IT

The Story of the Taoist Farmer

A day at home. Well not quite. I got a doll for Clarzie for her birthday and a card. Clear decisions. No regrets. Forced once more to go the long way round due to blocked pathway. Pricks they are too because it would have only taken a very little thoughtfulness to have given me access.

COULD BE BAD. COULD BE GOOD.

TODAY THE ALFA WENT. Pat and Col came and took him away. Turned out That Pat has sepsis as well. Comes over ill like I do. Needs heaps of antibiotics. So- he got my favourite car ever for $ 100.

COULD BE BAD. COULD BE GOOD.

And then 2 people sent me messages offering me lifts to Bellingen NA and I accepted. Thank God. I needed it. I enjoyed it.

Amazing to be strong and well enough to do a day like yesterday and then a meeting this evening.

Now its Facetime with Eden.

Making NO judgements on the events of today.

COULD BE BAD BUT IT COULD BE GOOD.

Version 3:

A man who lived on the northern frontier of China was skilled in interpreting events. One day, for no reason, his horse ran away to the nomads across the border. Everyone tried to console him, but his father said, “What makes you so sure this isn’t a blessing?” Some months later his horse returned, bringing a splendid nomad stallion. Everyone congratulated him, but his father said, “What makes you so sure this isn’t a disaster?” Their household was richer by a fine horse, which his son loved to ride. One day he fell and broke his hip. Everyone tried to console him, but his father said, “What makes you so sure this isn’t a blessing?”

A year later the nomads came in force across the border, and every able-bodied man took his bow and went into battle. The Chinese frontiersmen lost nine of every ten men. Only because the son was lame did the father and son survive to take care of each other. Truly, blessing turns to disaster, and disaster to blessing: the changes have no end, nor can the mystery be fathomed.

The Lost Horse,
Chinese Folktale.

http://www.noogenesis.com/pineapple/Taoist_Farmer.html

CHOOSE LIVING

WISDOM

CONSIDERING A MOVE – IN SLOW MOTION

Today, I went to meeting and then to look at the studio and back to Kaybees. I will make no decision tonight. I shall pray and think. Pray and think.

Discuss and clarify.

There are 2 meetings per week in Bellingen and access to 2 in Urunga.

There is close access to my kids and grandkids.

Trouble is – she may be leaving in 10 months.

Perhaps I should take a wee leap into a new world.

GRIEF AS AN OLD MAN SEES IT

The Story of the Taoist Farmer

A day at home. Well not quite. I got a doll for Clarzie for her birthday and a card. Clear decisions. No regrets. Forced once more to go the long way round due to blocked pathway. Pricks they are too because it would have only taken a very little thoughtfulness to have given me access.

COULD BE BAD. COULD BE GOOD.

TODAY THE ALFA WENT. Pat and Col came and took him away. Turned out That Pat has sepsis as well. Comes over ill like I do. Needs heaps of antibiotics. So- he got my favourite car ever for $ 100.

COULD BE BAD. COULD BE GOOD.

And then 2 people sent me messages offering me lifts to Bellingen NA and I accepted. Thank God. I needed it. I enjoyed it.

Amazing to be strong and well enough to do a day like yesterday and then a meeting this evening.

Now its Facetime with Eden.

Making NO judgements on the events of today.

COULD BE BAD BUT IT COULD BE GOOD.

Version 3:

A man who lived on the northern frontier of China was skilled in interpreting events. One day, for no reason, his horse ran away to the nomads across the border. Everyone tried to console him, but his father said, “What makes you so sure this isn’t a blessing?” Some months later his horse returned, bringing a splendid nomad stallion. Everyone congratulated him, but his father said, “What makes you so sure this isn’t a disaster?” Their household was richer by a fine horse, which his son loved to ride. One day he fell and broke his hip. Everyone tried to console him, but his father said, “What makes you so sure this isn’t a blessing?”

A year later the nomads came in force across the border, and every able-bodied man took his bow and went into battle. The Chinese frontiersmen lost nine of every ten men. Only because the son was lame did the father and son survive to take care of each other. Truly, blessing turns to disaster, and disaster to blessing: the changes have no end, nor can the mystery be fathomed.

The Lost Horse,
Chinese Folktale.

http://www.noogenesis.com/pineapple/Taoist_Farmer.html

CHOOSE LIVING

WISDOM