We ought to hate very rarely, as it is too fatiguing; remain indifferent to a great deal, forgive often and never forget. Sarah Bernhardt
“Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the Light, even though
for the moment you do not see.”
I don’t know the answers nor quite understand the message in this time for me. Both lots of Visitors from Sydney have cancelled at the last moment. One with warning and from illness and the other – well , not coming.
The Astra is still running a bit hot and the Alfa isn’t going at all so I am not going anyplace much and noone much is coming here.
I have been roundly criticised by one person and all in all, I am a puzzled woman.
THEREFORE – I go on as I have done over many years.
- DON’T PICK UP.
- GET TO THE MEETING TOMORROW.
- AWAIT GUIDANCE.
Each Day a New Beginning
Like an old gold-panning prospector, you must resign yourself to digging up a lot of sand from which you will later patiently wash out a few minute particles of gold ore. – Dorothy Bryant
Sometimes we feel buried in sand, blocked, clogged, unable to move. Then we must remember that we are not alone. Help is at hand, if only we will ask for it. If we invoke our higher power, our source of spiritual strength can help us to believe that there is gold somewhere in all this sand, and that the sand itself is useful.
No one and no thing is good all the time. Let us remember that if we expect nothing but gold, we are distorting life, getting in our own way. We don’t want to falsify the texture of our lives; the homespun quality helps us to appreciate the gold when it appears.
I will find some gold among the sand, today.“
You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Nurturing Self Care
There isn’t a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work
at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to
know,’ and we’ll love ourselves enough to listen.
What do we need to do to take care of ourselves?
Listen to that voice inside. What makes you angry? What have you had enough of? What don’t you trust? What
doesn’t feel right? What can’t you stand? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you want? Need? What don’t you
want and need? What do you like? What would feel good?
In recovery, we learn that self care leads us on the path to God’s will and plan for our life. Self-care never leads away
from our highest good; it leads toward it.
Learn to nurture that voice inside. We can trust ourselves. We can take care of ourselves. We are wiser than we think.
Our guide is within, ever present. Listen to, trust, and nurture that guide.
Today, I will affirm that l am a gift to the Universe and myself. I will remember that nurturing self care delivers that gift in
its highest form.
Today my body guides me to refocus and God heals me deep within as I again become strong and free. -Ruth Fishel
Let me do some thinking about that one.
One thing is – NO MORE TIRADES AT ME FROM ANYONE.
SECOND THING IS – NO MORE WAITING AROUND FOR ANYONE. LIVE AND LET LIVE.
WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ?
Continue to improve my eating habits as I have been doing.
Continue with the Chinese herbs and add more acupuncture. Paul is now in Urunga on Mondays and Tuesdays.
Add psychology with him at the Neighbourhood Centre.
LIVE each day instead of waiting.
And stay entirely in the day.
Allow NO tirades.
ASK FOR NOTHING AND OFFER NOTHING.
NO GUNNAS TO OR FROM.
WHAT MAKES ME ANGRY ?
Tonight I am not answering that.
I am upset at the cars not working.
I am upset at WAITING once too often.
Some of the readings I find a bit sloppy but the essence is OK and I surely need to pay attention to my own life and not place my dependence in or on anyone else. Its not working.
IT IS JUST ONE MORE RAINY DAY.
AND I MOURN FOR ONE MORE DAY.
THAT IS MY RIGHT.
I MISS THE CLASS HE ADDED TO MY WORLD
I MISS THE ADVENTURE HE BROUGHT INTO MY LIFE
I MISS TOUCHING AND CUDDLING AND HAND TO HOLD
I MISS THE COMPANY AND THE TALKING
I MISS HAVING SOMEONE TO LOVE
I MISS BEING LOVED BY SOMEONE. I REALLY MISS THOSE TWO THINGS.
OCHA, IZ. OCHA.
ITS A HARD WORLD OUT HERE WITHOUT YOU.
AND I MISS YOUR MUSIC MAKING.
So I guess my next steps are there – right there.
Ensure that my World is CLASSY. Don’t act all poor white trash.
Begin to go on Adventures. Little ones as you have been doing. Right down to painted toenails and breakfast at the Beach. JUST DO IT .
Touch, cuddle and hold other people or things.
Be with people at times. In company. Talk. Keep talking. Keep writing despite disapproval from others. Talk regardless of what foolish things you may say.
LOVE IN LOTS OF LITTLE WAYS. There is a big hole there. LOTS OF LITTLE BITS.
And be with people who love you and like you. Skid the Critics and the harsh judges. Allow yourself to be loved.
AND LOVE YOUR SELF.
LISTEN TO THE MUSIC JUST LISTEN TO THE MUSIC.
It’s been 11 months since I lost my beloved husband to melanoma and through it all, there’s been times thought about how different the grieving process was to what I’d been told either by friends and family, or from books I’d read or movies I’d seen. News flash: grief is not like the movies at all. You don’t just wake up one morning and everything’s OK again and then you fall in love again.There’ll be days when you curl up in a ball and cry for what seems like hours. There’ll be days where you can’t even get dressed because you don’t know what the point is. There’ll be days where you wake up and think they’re there and then get so sad you don’t think it’ll ever end.But what these various sources neglected to tell me most of all were the real truths of grieving… so I thought I’d share what I’ve experienced, though obviously these things will vary, and may not apply to you.1. People will stop caring after the funeral – it sounds heartless, and it really is. It can be hard for the people closest to the loved one who has passed away to reconcile that their friends and other family members are effectively over it, but you aren’t even close.2. You’ll still celebrate the birthdays and anniversaries – And they’ll be bittersweet.3. You will stop crying and it’s OK – one day you’ll realise you didn’t cry that day, or the next day. It’s OK and doesn’t mean that you have forgotten the person.4. Some nights you’ll think they’re still there – I once woke up in a fluster and reached over the other side of the bed, only to remember he was gone.5. You’ll hear “I know how you feel” constantly from people who really don’t – some people become very weird and awkward after someone dies. They don’t know what else to say, but this is the least helpful thing. Don’t be afraid to tell people that either!6. You do things you didn’t think you could – you’ll take on the roles your partner used to. You’ll make do and mend.7. People come out of the woodworks – now this is one thing I have heard about but didn’t think would happen to me…. my family members started bickering about money and what they were owed. Great aunts, distant cousins… everyone wanted something for nothing. It was hard to navigate, and brought up upsetting things from the past. Be prepared.8. You realise everyone deals with death differently9. This is your time – you will have a lot of alone time as people will think you need space whether you want it or not. Do something you enjoy, travel, read – simply just be.10. Cherish their memories – one day you will look back with joy and not sadness for your loss. You will be able to reflect on the good times, I promise.11. No matter how prepared you think you are for a death, you can never be fully prepared for the loss and the grief – we knew John was suffering from metastatic cutaneous melanoma, and the prognosis was not good. We had to prepare for those last few weeks of his life, but nothing made me fully ready for the day he died.12. Death brings out the best and the worst in families – I lost contact with my son for a number of months as he came to reconcile the death of his best friend and father. He didn’t want to talk to anyone but finally let me in. It changed us as a family.13. There is no such thing as closure – you will kick yourself for not having the checks earlier, or insisting they put sun screen on. You’ll blame yourself. You’ll wonder if you did something differently if it would have changed it… but you just have to let it go.14. There is no timeline for grieving.15. There will always be regrets. No matter how much time you had, you’ll always want more time, more hugs, more kisses, more laughter, more moments.16. However badly you think it is going to hurt, it is going to be a million times worse.17. People love to judge your grief – if you aren’t grieving “normally”, there’ll be someone who pops out and makes you feel terrible. Watch out for those people who just aren’t happy within themselves.18. Just because you feel pretty great one day it doesn’t mean you are cured of your grief – I made this mistake so many times. I thought I’d stopped grieving and was over it and ready to move on, then another wave of sadness would come.19. You will never go back to being your “old self”. Grief changes you and you are never the same, but that’s not always a bad thing, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that.