I CRAWL BEFORE NOONE

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MY BEACHSHACK JAN 2016 URUNGA

After a few recent events I have finally come to an inner stance which restores my faith in myself. I am quite unable to verbalise it quite as I mean but it is a beautiful way to feel.
I am 66 years old, 28 years clean, I have been a single mother and raised two very beautiful people, I have taught school and loved deeply. I have lost hard and survived it and stared at Death. I have just spent a year seeking external help, not finding much of it and quietly bringing myself from one small achievement to the next. Many of them were unseen except by my very closest people.
At this point in my life, I do not apologise for myself and nor do I accept the judgement of others over considered and careful self assessment.

Alcoholics Anonymous
Page 83

Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won’t fill the bill at all. We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it, being very careful not to criticize them. Their defects may be glaring, but the chances are that our own actions are partly responsible. So we clean house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.

The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. Unless one’s family expresses a desire to live upon spiritual principles we think we ought not to urge them. We should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters. They will change in time. Our behavior will convince them more than our words. We must remember that ten or twenty years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out of anyone.

There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don’t worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. Some people cannot be seen – we send them an honest letter. And there may be a valid reason for postponement in some cases. But we don’t delay if it can be avoided. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God’s people we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone.

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

GONE SHOPPING

I thought that I would be spending today at home but KB called and we went shopping at Aldi. All 4 of us. W did Maccas first and then Aldi and we even played some practical jokes on one another and laughed a lot.

Another achievement today was that I woke and was able to find the missing power adapter for the SLATE 21. Life has not been easy with the Panic, Grief, Muddle Headedness and General Confusion and each time something clicks into place is just plain delightful. So there was the adapter sitting right in the power board. I set up the Slate which is a giant android and now I do believe I shall be able to watch movies etc.

My brain begins working a step by a step.

My body is doing damned well. I can go round the shops now. I can drive.

I am lucky. Very lucky indeed.

What an unseen journey this has been. IS. It ain’t over. My leg no longer feels as if I have to direct it consciously and pull it in from the side. It walks ALMOST in line with the other leg and my body now.

Today we LAUGHED. Today we were happy.

Good Night, Iz. I am getting better.

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One More Day

The future is an opaque mirror. Anyone who looks into it sees nothing but the dim outlines of an old and worried face.
Jim Bishop

When we were young, our mirrors reflect our outer appearance. Later, mirrors seem to reflect also the inward self. Worry and joy can etch themselves into our facial expressions; anger or love can gaze out from our eyes. If we have refused to forgive, our bitterness stares back at us. If we have chosen to isolate ourselves, our loneliness is there. But if our choices have been openness, humor, and understanding — all of these clearly shine out for all to see.

Each day , without realizing it, we are making choices for behaviors and thoughts that will help create either a serene and joyful face or an old and worried one. The choice is ours.