The biggest thing right now at daysend is that I practice the not worrying about what people think. I just realised that it needs to be a conscious practice if I am to truly be free of the Fretting.
The day is ending. All that has been said, done or not said or done is over now. The opinions of others will form as they will. I did the best I knew how and it is quite good enough.
Dark. Late. All of that is in greater hands than mine. My survival does not depend upon anyone else and their survival does not depend upon me. DAY DONE.
DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ONE THING YOU HAVE SAID OR DONE.
DO NOT WORRY ABOUT EVEN ONE THING YOU HAVE NOT SAID OR DONE TODAY.
HELLO World out there. It was a big day for me. I rambled through it the way I was once able to ramble. From one thing to another without worry and panic determining every move. At the back of my mind is the gnawing anxiety over the cars and caravan and garden but only in low key and I am gradually stripping away a whole lot of the Worries. I am creating a Life which Fits me. I think it means that I get rid of as much of the material possessions as I can.
Today I met up with Preos. Met up with them at Art Urunga’s Sculpture Day. And we were happy. Matt is going blind so they have a longterm tragedy of their own going on. Matt was one of Izzy’s Menfolk. I spent the whole day out and about in my own neighbourhood. An old dog wandered up and two young tourists in a hippy van. I ate from the Lion’s Food Stall and looked at Hugh’s sculpture. I met Jed the Big Black Dog that Izzy loved and who sat on the doorstep of our place the morning after Iz died and threw his head back and howled. I met many very old friends today and I was well and able to walk the markets and then home.
HAPPINESS COMES QUIETLY
“The trouble with us alcoholics was this: We demanded that the world give us happiness and peace of mind in just the particular order we wanted to get it—by the alcohol route. And we weren’t successful. But when we take time to find out some of the spiritual laws, and familiarize ourselves with them, and put them into practice, then we do get happiness and peace of mind … There seem to be some rules that we have to follow, but happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.”
—DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, p. 308
The simplicity of the A.A. program teaches me that happiness isn’t something I can “demand.” It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others. In offering my hand to the newcomer or to someone who has relapsed, I find that my own sobriety has been recharged with indescribable gratitude and happiness.