I got up very early to this beautiful morning on the Lagoon with the roos wading in the water.
But now i am Going down. Going down.
My mood is sinking. Lets ride this one. NA John came after the meeting to take a look at Alfie and he worked for a long time – but in the end – he could not really locate the problem. I do know a lot more about cars now and that is a good thing. Tindall took a look at the Astra and it has a cracked radiator. I am defeated once more when I had begun to hope.
And now I am once more afraid as the money goes down the sink on these machines. Now I am once more confused in my thinking patterns and overwhelmed by commitments. Fuck it all !
I reckon its acceptable to sit down and weep for a while. A long while. If needs be.
It needs to be NOW that I breathe deeply and stretch a little. Shake my head and widen my eyes. I have eaten well. Lets take a look at some step stuff.
I simply PAUSE and ASK. Pause for a whole night – having asked for help.
“WE PAUSE . . . AND ASK”
As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or
doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.87
Today I humbly ask my Higher Power for the grace to
find the space between my impulse and my action; to
let flow a cooling breeze when I would respond with
heat; to interrupt fierceness with gentle peace; to
accept the moment which allows judgment to become
discernment; to defer to silence when my tongue would
rush to attack or defend. I promise to watch for every
opportunity to turn toward my Higher Power for
guidance. I know where this power is: it resides within
me, as clear as a mountain brook, hidden in the hills
– it is the unsuspected Inner Resource. I thank my
Higher Power for this world of light and truth I see
when I allow it to direct my vision. I trust it today
and hope it trusts me to make all effort to find the
right thought or action today.
Wrapped the night up with a very long phone conversation with Arkue. That settled quite a lot of the nerves down. Oh my. So fragile still. Bed soon. Good Night, Iz. The cars are screwed and I am low on funds now, Iz. I don’t quite know what to do without you around. But for now , Good Night, my Lovely Man.