I’m not quite sure what I wanted to write or say when I opened this post. And in fact, I may not manage it at all. I quest all the time for explanations and descriptions of what has happened since June 2014 when Izzy ran off into the Forest and didn’t come back.
I don’t find them.
I am so profoundly altered inside and I don’t think that people generally see it. A shower of heavy summer rain just fell . The night is dark and I am trying to be less of a fool than I can be when writing . I have remained strong spined since the Altercation. I spend days like the one I just did and wish I could achieve that sense of safety, security and love more often. Freedom from worrying. Tonight when the rain came , I knew the Alfa’s window was down and I could not bring myself to go out and make some form of covering for it. What the hell is the value of a car which needs the electrics just to open and shut windows. These are stupid times in their own way.
And I am weary in my own way. Not as I have been but nonetheless weary. Somehow I am still in a struggle. Somehow I am still trying a little too hard and fearing consequences.
Somehow – Reality eludes me. Maybe its just that its late at night after a busy day.
Maybe, I had best sleep. Thunder is still rolling around and the world otherwise is quiet.
Good Night, Childe. No need to understand. No need to explain.
No need to apologise to anyone at all.