BRIEFLY AT THE END OF THE DAY

A FRAME BOAST
BY THE LAGOON JAN 2016 URUNGA

I’m not quite sure what I wanted to write or say when I opened this post. And in fact, I may not manage it at all. I quest all the time for explanations and descriptions of what has happened since June 2014 when Izzy ran off into the Forest and didn’t come back.

I don’t find them.

I am so profoundly altered inside and I don’t think that people generally see it. A shower of heavy summer rain just fell . The night is dark and I am trying to be less of a fool than I  can be when writing . I have remained strong spined since the Altercation. I spend days like the one I just did and wish I could achieve that sense of safety, security and love more often. Freedom from worrying. Tonight when the rain came , I knew the Alfa’s window was down and I could not bring myself to go out and make some form of covering for it. What the hell is the value of a car which needs the electrics just to open and shut windows. These are stupid times in their own way.

And I am weary in my own way. Not as I have been but nonetheless weary. Somehow I am still in a struggle. Somehow I am still trying a little too hard and fearing consequences.

Somehow – Reality eludes me. Maybe its just that its late at night after a busy day.

Maybe, I had best sleep. Thunder is still rolling around and the world otherwise is quiet.

Good Night, Childe. No need to understand. No need to explain.

No need to apologise to anyone at all.

TRIO
EDEN JULY 2015

 

PLASTER OFF. PONY RIDES.

A FRAME
A PLACE IN WHICH I ONCE LIVED. 

One more day of beauty and happiness. Today was my day with Saf. Oh what a good time we had. We rode the Pony and swam and talked. These are miracle days for me because I could not do this last year in January.

I DO NOT FORGET THAT.

LAST YEAR IN JANUARY, MY MUSCLES WERE LIKE CREPE PAPER AND WHEN I TRIED TO SLEEP, GREAT PAIN OVERTOOK ME.

Last year in January, I spasmed and paralysed and was too weak to walk any distance at all.

Last year in January, I was often overcome with confusion and bewilderment.

Last year. In January. I would not have minded one of the children alone because I did not know what would happen to me.

This year in January –  we laugh.

This year in January –  the little one has her plaster off and the new house is almost finished. And as for me, I am still here.

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LAST NIGHT ON MY ROOF

LAST YEAR IN JANUARY.

lynne jan 2015.jpg
LAST YEAR IN JANUARY