Bedtime now. AS so often happens after a good day, a sudden longing for him came over me. The wound was bumped and the heart bled again.
Some nights I fear the empty bed and the solo sleeping. I try to stay up late enough to be so weary that it don’t matter.
Ah, Izzy. You would have loved today And I would have loved to share it with you. Time for bed, eh ? My side is so much lower than yours because I have rarely used your side of our new mattress.
The littlest girl has spiralling curls and she broke her arm. The plaster is off now and we went swimming in the Lido. The red head loves it there. She goes back to school tomorrow. She did very very well last year. And she loved it.
And Iz, Their house will be finished this weekend and they will finally move out of the shack and into their own home. They have used your Wide River sign at the back and front doors. I guess you are their Doorkeeper.
The Eden people are doing OK. They didn’t get up here for the Summer but I can have them on Facetime all weekend so I feel that I am part of their lives.
It is just you that is gone. And I don’t always know what to do , anymore.
I am wondering whether or not I can live here without a car. So far it looks promising to me. I am going on instinct here because its the cars and the things around them that make me feel overburdened and unwell. Today’s pattern was : Dani gave me a lift to NA in Urunga and Kaybee and the Girls came down for a surprise visit and we went swimming . First one Clacker has been able to have at the beach since her arm was broken. I did a supermarket shop with them and stocked up. My Brother sent me a gift. A Mem Fox book called nellie bell.
I found that the supermarket does home deliveries so there is another thing working for me. Now I need to find a place to park the motorised Pony near the bus stops and work out timetable and bus stops in Bello.
I am re-designing my life so that it actually fits me.
I am re-designing my life the way I want to. Kind of like IMM and their new house which he planned longtime and carefully and kept re-jigging and re-shaping and refining till the quality home that is to be finished this weekend was created and constructed.
I have been watching him closely and watching the Girls playing their parts as well as his friends and co-workers.
I am doing that with my Life.
SOLID FOUNDATIONS FIRST.
Maybe a tip toe through the steps.
I am powerless over everything that has happened since June 21 2014. Over Izzy’s dying and all the stuff going. Over the Coma and its repercussions. Over EVERYTHING.
It has made my life unmanageable.
STEP 2. I HAVE COME TO BELIEVE THAT A HIGHER POWER CAN RESTORE ME TO SANITY.
Which indeed has been happening in the same way as I have been getting restored to physical health.
STEP 3 – I make the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. Even the distance from my son and granddaughter. Even the Cars.
Sleep on that decision and think about the day which has just passed and which was just perfect.
“They say the hardest thing in the world is losing someone you love. Someone you grew old with and watched grow everyday. Someone who showed you how to love. It’s the worst thing to ever happen to anyone. My wife died unexpectedly. She brought me so much joy. She was my everything. Those 16 years of being her husband taught me how to love unconditionally. We have to stop and be thankful for our spouses. Because, life is very short. Spend time with your spouses. Treat them well. Because, one day, when you look up from your phone, they won’t be there anymore. What I truly learned most of all is, live and love everyday like it’s your last. Because, one day, it will be. Take chances and go live life. Tell the ones you love, that you love them everyday. Don’t take any moment for granted. Life is worth living.”