Just a brief post today. Its clouded and cool after many days of heat and sunshine. I did the NA meeting and came home to Meals on Wheels. Roast Lamb. Just excellent food. Fresh and cooked at Raleigh. There is an extra as well because they had 2 types of orders for me. One hot. One Frozen. I think the nourishing lunch is giving me some of the same varoom as I had when staying at J and P’s in Annandale.
The eye is still watery and very slightly gritty but pretty good overall.
Fear is a darkroom where negatives are developed.
I live with a depth of fear which makes even an ordinary day a difficult thing. I spoke today with Koala John and he recognises the same FEAR. We were educated in Addiction 3 decades ago before the current HEAD WANK studies of addiction. We KNOW that we are made differently from the ordinary person and so we live on with the Head Attacks and the emotional instability. But we do it. Even with the Profound Fear – we do it . I have never come near to normalising but I have, so far, had a rich and abundant life. The Loss of Izzy has left a doorway open and Fear has entered through it. Now, I can recognise it once more and I am calling in the big guns. If I am to go on, I need for this Fear to be gone.
I FINALLY FEEL like I am making progress in forming a strategy for my days which fits me well. I have been clean for more than 28 years. That means that I am expert in surviving my primary disease – ADDICTION. When I attend to that, the rest of it becomes manageable. I don’t care how anyone else does it and I don’t care what anyone else believes about it. I have a Plan for Living that works for me. A few of the Main Roads were lost in the 2014 earthquake and disasters and many of the Landmarks disappeared. Its now been one year and 8 months since the first shock of Izzy’s death and one year and 6 months since the subsidence into the Coma. A LONG PERIOD OF RECONSTRUCTION lies ahead.
RECONSTRUCTING I am. A few more pieces have fitted into place. Last week I made a decision to not allow people in who are cruel, harsh or causing me to act from fear. Now I clearly decide to treat the Addiction first. Before anything else.
“ANYTHING YOU PLACE IN FRONT OF THIS YOU WILL LOSE”.
I am thinking back over the early days and pulling out skills and wisdoms from then. Late 1980s and early 1990s.
Now for a shower and pyjamas. Then a night on my favourite blogs. I have the spare curry for dinner. Tomorrow the cleaner is to come and I feel obligated to clean up first. But I won’t. Tonight. TV. Blogs. Bed.
The theme for today is ACCEPTANCE of people places and things precisely as they are.
You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Its so easy to look around and notice what’s wrong.
It takes practice to see what’s right.
Many of us have lived around negativity for years. We’ve become skilled at labelling what’s wrong with other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, our conduct, our recovery, and ourselves.
We want to be realistic, and our goal is to identify and accept reality. However, this is often not our intent when we practice negativity. The purpose of negativity is usually annihilation.
Negative thinking empowers the problem. It takes us out of harmony. Negative energy sabotages and destroys. It has a powerful life of its own.
So does positive energy. Each day, we can ask what’s right, what’s good – about other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery.
Positive energy heals, conducts love, and transforms. Choose positive energy.