JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW.
GOD HAS A PLAN FOR EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.
I SHOULD NOT EVEN BE ALIVE.
GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ME NOW.
(For God’s sake, Lynne. Get a grip. Get a grip. You did not get brung out of that coma and Izzy’s death for no good reason. God has a plan. It does not matter that you are as weak as piss. God has the Plan. SHUT UP WITH THE WHINGING. ONE DAY DONE.)
FOR WHEN I AM WEAK – THEN I AM STRONG.
Up again. That was another tough time. The whole month. Medicines and pain and weakness once more. A Body and Soul which are seriously mutilated. I am in still in only the second year of each of these disasters and left in a lifestyle which I do not desire.
And so I am back to picking up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at my feet even the ones I don’t want to. Even the ones I think won’t work and I have simply done it for one more day.
Last night I had good dreams. Happy dreams. Dreams about a new place to live – kind of like the Gold Coast and Coolie and Tweed. Meetings and People and good things happening. The kind of healing that happened when I went to Tweed last time. I knew nothing of it then. Maybe there is another place like that for me and people as close as that.
Anyways, I woke happy but then realised what the present is and sadness came again and SELF PITY. So , I just did what I have done in other times. Even ate breakfast this time.
Then a meeting and a lift from Danni. Accepted a lift home from Kaypee. And she stayed and we talked. I spent time with Kaybee and Clarz and ate my meals on wheels. Even took a pony ride into town at dusk and got Chinese.
I know I am in deep recovery shit. I know that. I have no idea of a bigger picture or a way out. Nothing. Don’t know what would make me happy or give me purpose. Don’t know what is grief and what is physical illness. I know nothing.
SO Just do what I have previously done – year after year – and which has worked over and over and led me into brilliant situations.
Brought my kids back to me.
Brought me to teaching.
Brought me to Tweed and Sydney and back home.
Brought me the beautiful little girls.
Enough for today.
The meeting is done. Food is eaten. Not one painkiller of any kind needed all day. People spoken with. No drugs picked up. No grog picked up. Lunches paid for.
Don’t even think about the Losses again, Girl. Just don’t go with them. Don’t try to figure anything out at all. Day done. Full stop.
And BTW the aggressively male rehab up the road which I heartily dislike and judge as unfit failed to receive funding and I am GLAD.
Down the Road, the mixed rehab on the River received funding and I AM VERY GLAD indeed. Simple, plain recovery instead of flash capitalistic business organisations.
Here are a couple of things I think about Rehab :
- take care of each person male and female and have them in a microcosm of the world into which they will re-enter.
- KEEP IT SIMPLE.
- Do not use and abuse your addicts.
- DO NOT HAVE UNIFORMS OF ANY KIND.
- DO NOT HURRY THEM
- Do not encourage Gym and boxing etc. Muscles don’t equal recovery,
- Move away from old mentalities of aggro and cool.
- HANDLE WITH CARE.