They drove me up there in a police car. I wasn’t allowed to speak to any of the people gathered at the big house. I now know that they knew an hour before the police car came up the drive and had gathered. The Police had forbidden them to warn me. I now know that one of the young girls had said she had had enough and was about to walk over and tell me when the Police arrived.
I guess looking back that they wanted to see my reaction because he had a wound on his head and was beside the road in the dirt in the Forest and I guess they wanted to see whether I looked like a Killer. I certainly looked odd. I don’t know that I had any reaction but babbling and a cold face. When they stopped in the clearing with detectives around and pulled the blue sheet back from his face, I simply looked and said ” Yes That’s him “. I didn’t bend down or kiss him or weep or howl. It seemed to me that my world ended then. They wouldn’t allow Jenny or John to drive me home. It was police car all the way.
I am thinking now of going South for a time. I know the pain will accompany me but this isn’t working. I am bogged and must try something else. They speak of an old person’s hostel in Bellingen. I feel nauseous at the very thought but keeping house is defeating me. My boy says they want me and can make a home with me .
However can I leave my Girls ?
However can I stay here ?