THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

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BEACHSHACK 22 APRIL 2016

A MIND SEETHING WITH RESENTMENTS and feverish thought woke me in the middle of the night.  I fear the Wellness. I fear the energy to do more than I have been doing or to be awake more than I have been. I fear more time alone and trapped here in the Emptiness.

I fear the waking hours. The Hours which I don’t know how to fill. The Hours when my head runs amok and savage.

I do not know how to re-call the abundance of my life with Izzy.

I do not know how to attend to my health or regimes.

And so I retreat in the World I once sought in Drug Use.

The disposing of the 99 Valium has been a big step for me. It was a saying NO to the option of the demi life. The Shadow World. A minimal claim but a claim nonetheless on Life.

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