A MIND SEETHING WITH RESENTMENTS and feverish thought woke me in the middle of the night. I fear the Wellness. I fear the energy to do more than I have been doing or to be awake more than I have been. I fear more time alone and trapped here in the Emptiness.
I fear the waking hours. The Hours which I don’t know how to fill. The Hours when my head runs amok and savage.
I do not know how to re-call the abundance of my life with Izzy.
I do not know how to attend to my health or regimes.
And so I retreat in the World I once sought in Drug Use.
The disposing of the 99 Valium has been a big step for me. It was a saying NO to the option of the demi life. The Shadow World. A minimal claim but a claim nonetheless on Life.