I have been calm most of the day and less embittered or afraid. For me the Unwellness – the savage agony of it – has been in the spiritual anguish. Rages and terrors and despair and hatred.
This last week has seen a great easing of that and a peacefulness. I shall do one more meeting tonight and come home to warmth and peace. I am still bedridden a lot of each day and little inclined to go out. I don’t think that it matters at all.
ITS COLD STILL. And Council is carrying out some deranged plans in the street. The books are still in boxes and everything looks bleak and tacky – but it don’t matter. It just don’t matter.
I may also be getting rid of some of my WHAT IFs. Iz used to nudge me about them and they have been teasing me for this 2 years.
What if ?
I die too. Other Loved ones die ? I am stuck in a nursing home forever ? The pain never stops ? I am stuck in Urunga forever ?
WHAT IF ?
I try Eden ? Or Bellingen ? Or ……….
This week –
WELCOME TO THE GREAT WHAT IS !