It looks to me like a storm is brewing. A big one. We will see. Its Jacaranda season. I like it best when there is a flame tree alongside but that doesn’t seem so common here as it was in Grafton. Saf has a jacaranda outside her window in their shack and she loves it. I have a big one beside me here and I love it.
I did the meeting this morning around in the Sailing Club and I guess we had a dozen or so people. It was on Step One and God’s Will. It didn’t entirely sink in because my meetings are so low but it began to work.
It surely is tropical today.
The heat built up today and so I took myself to the Lido for a swim. Met some people and chatted of this and that. Then I saw NanaB coming down and we swam and waited for H to kayak along from my place. It looked as though we were to get a big storm but it hit north and south of here and we were left with a beautiful afternoon.
I spoke to my brother and tomorrow I shall book plane tickets to Sydney and back. End of next week, so it is. To see the liver specialist.
And also to celebrate my brother’s 60th and also to meet Louis who is my niece’s son .
And for the moment. One day done. Comfortable and able to breathe. Dinner cooked and eaten. Soft clothes on and clean and sober.
3 GEMS for the day.
Swimming in the Lido.
Getting to the meeting.
Driving my new car.
Its night now. I have become accustomed to being at home alone.
Its night now and I return to seemingly simplistic techniques of survival.
Not picking up.
Containing my thinking within the day.
With the massed confusion of thoughts and emotions that entwine me these days – a juvenile simplicity seems to work. For now.
We had a new man today. He had lost almost everything but then his face began to smile – and he said ” But I am not using “. That is also my fundamental joy. “I am not using. “
I am in fact in precisely the sort of house and place I have yearned for for many years. I have access to the saltwater and places to walk barefooted. I have my own kayak and a fine garden and a good fridge. I have the world of the internet and computers – enough to keep this eternally restless brain content.
This is a new category for me for those days when I can’t think of anything to say. Grab a random image and contemplate.
I live in the Beach shack now. Been here about a year. I came here 6 months after Izzy died and 3 a couple of months after being in the Coma. Iz and I had lived at Raleigh since 2010 but the rent was higher than I could afford. It was isolated on my own and when I sat on the front verandah and looked down the long drive to the gate – I found myself waiting for him to come home, just like I did on the morning when he went for his run and never came came back. He had had a massive heart attack up in the forest and it was the Police who came up the drive that Saturday morning.
I was very glad to get a phone call offering me this wee Shack for a very cheap rent of $150 per week. Its tumbledown and shabby but its on the lagoon. Its old and lovely and has a fine garden, is near town and for now I am safe.
I have an Alfa Romeo as well. I bought it and Iz bought a Kombi. His girls have the Kombi and I have the Alfa, It had a dent in the door when this pic was taken and I spent $400 to get a new one and get it painted and then the next day it over heated on the way to Bellingen and and now I am afraid to use it because it seems the Head is cracked and I don’t wish to spend any more money on it. I also have an Astra which I just bought and now I don’t have a lot of money left. I don’t know what to do next so I am waiting – until direction comes.
This little street is a mini community and it has reduced my loneliness a good deal. It pleases me. Its a world I knew when I was young. Saltwater and sand and the lush almost tropical plants. The caravan is one we were given by a neighbour at Raleigh. It had been through a flood. Jaybee stayed in it a lot and now I have it here but its filled with Izzy’s books. I need them emptied out so that I can make it at least sleepable again.
I like my Shack. I am staying home again today. Its cold and damp and I am agoraphobic – seemingly. The fluid appears to be reduced today and my body is more comfortable. I am still weak and very weary with needling pain. I shall return to bed and read a while.