Category Archives: RECOVERY

The Best Thing About Me (12 days shy of 28 years clean and sober) | Addiction Unscripted

NOT ME. FROM THE USA. I am one month short of being 29 years Clean.

Twenty-eight years ago the worst thing about me was that I couldn’t stop using drugs—and stay stopped. My DOC was cocaine, but I was a garbage head; I would partake in whatever was going around, especially if it was free. As a reasonably attractive, thirty-something woman whose motto was I work hard so I deserve to party hardy, drugs were easy to come by. And alcohol, being legal, was the socially acceptable, standby attitude adjuster.I had known for many years that I was addicted to drugs, but I wasn’t ready to do anything about it until my family was forced apart, police and social services were meddling in my affairs, and I was worried about losing my two children. At first, even this was insufficient to cause a change in my behavior. However, within a short time I found myself alone, locked in my master bathroom, free-basing, and not enjoying it at all. In fact, all I could do was cry! This was the beginning of the end for me.My previous attempts at staying clean, usually prompted by severe sickness or humiliation of some sort, always ended with me convincing myself that because I stopped for a period of time and because I had a good job, a nice home and car, I was now in control. Or I’d get drunk, think about using, and go get high. Even though I wasn’t ready to admit I was an alcoholic, I had the desire to stop drinking in order to stay away from my DOC. This was good news when I walked into my first AA meeting; it meant I belonged even though I was uncertain if I was an alcoholic.

Source: The Best Thing About Me (12 days shy of 28 years clean and sober) | Addiction Unscripted

The 20 Best Recovery Blogs

After the book Alcoholics Anonymous hit the shelves, more people became aware of 12-step and started to accept it as a viable alternative for dealing with addiction that didn’t involve a medical team and a straight jacket. Since then, various other methods of quitting drinking and drugging have come to fruition, one of them being Internet recovery. There is no formal or organized structure behind it; Internet recovery simply consists of reaching out for support via the web. This could be in a forum, an online rehab program or through a blog. Here is our list of the 20 best recovery blogs out there (in no particular order):

Source: The 20 Best Recovery Blogs

Why Tom Waits Quit Drinking

Tom Waits has been sober for fifteen years now. He told the Guardian about it in 2006, saying:”Oh, you know, it was tough. I went to AA. I’m in the program. I’m clean and sober. Hooray. But, it was a struggle.” Does he miss it? “Nah. Not the way I was drinking. No, I’m happy to be sober. Happy to be alive. I found myself in some places I can’t believe I made it out of alive.” Has sobriety affected his creative process? “No. I don’t think so. I mean, one is never completely certain when you drink and do drugs whether the spirits that are moving through you are the spirits from the bottle or your own. And, at a certain point, you become afraid of the answer. That’s one of the biggest things that keeps people from getting sober, they’re afraid to find out that it was the liquor talking all along. “I was trying to prove something to myself, too. It was like, ‘Am I genuinely eccentric? Or am I just wearing a funny hat? What am I made of? What’s left when you drain the pool?'”

Source: Why Tom Waits Quit Drinking



Staying home seems to bring me as many adventures as going out does. Early in the day I spoke to Arkue in Sydney. Then Julie brought me Spaghetti Bol for my dinner. Little bit later,The Occupational Therapist came from the hospital and she was delightful. She gave me a bath chair and will send a commode chair tomorrow. We talked and laughed and I felt understood and validated at last. I ca call her whenever I feel like I need more support. This is the sort of thing I thought would be put into place last year but none of it happened.

Then the Psychologist came. I really like her but sadly she is a MINDFULNESS  psych and I don’t take to it at all. Nonetheless I really like her and she’s kind and she comes to me here.

Then an Ambulance came but it were not for me. It stopped across the street and one of my neighbours appears to have fallen while renovating. They took him away. He and his lady are good peoples too.

And later in the day, Bev Balloon came and I gave her some potatoes and beans and she brought me yoghurt due the antibiotics and we talked of this and that.

Then Pat M took a look at my Alfa. Worth only about  $500 – $900 – seemingly.  Nonetheless – he was also a very nice man.

That;s the day done. Kaybee had brought meals from Bello and I had one for dinner. I have the new Herbs from Paul. He is focussing on the bleeding rather than the liver. We will see. We will see.

Its flooding down South.

The Glory of the Ordinary Moments.



Keep the thinking within this one day. Do not mentally move one second into the days ahead.

the 3 gems of the day.

the bathroom chair

the lagoon

talking to my son


I think I am in the middle of another surrendering. Breaking down instead of cracking up. I feel like sobbing almost all the time. Things seem to be beyond my control. So – I sit and sob – quite happily and internally collapse. Maybe its the infection and antibiotics.

In the 2nd year of my recovery from addiction, 1988-89 , I was like this EMOTIONALLY. I called it the year of La Grande Tristesse. And now, its upon me again. Back then, I was in Dept of Housing with my children restored to my care and I knew we would survive as a family. I was creating our new lives and forming new behaviours and routines. I could get the Kids off to school and maybe get to a meeting but often I simply sat inside and wept. Grieved. Mourned. As I passed through La Grande Tristesse, very good things began to happen and I emerged short haired and fiery and returned to Teaching after not working for 20 years.

It feels like that again. A very emotional time.

I shall make it a Step 2 year.  Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step 2 is a step of hope, faith and realization. It is a big step towards God. In spite of all of the failures in my own life – all of the broken promises, hard feelings, disappointments, failures, destructive behaviour, hatred, anxiety, depression or guilt in my life – there is still hope. There is hope because there is a Power greater than myself. And this Power has the ability to restore my life to a life where there is freedom from the insanity of addictive behaviours. I begin to realize that such a Power still exists and this Power is able to set me on the road to recovery and freedom.
– From

I live now with a Fear that I am dying. I live with hospital visits and invalidism . I live alone again. It gets to me. Today, mostly, I had the knack of positive thinking back.  Its been a long while since that was the baseline of my life and it is taking some rigorous reprogramming to do it again.  I have a lot of YES BUTS and WHAT IFS in my psyche now.

I just cannot rake the energy up for the negative tonight.  I have a car to sell and one to register but not tonight. Tonight – tonight – I have eaten well on food KB brought from Bello. I have spuds from the garden and throughout the day there were gentle and happy times.

I am still Clean and Sober. Good foundation. I have a great place to live and good people around. Profoundly I live and have lived a life of deeply satisfying experiences. Its just that – sometimes – I get sick and tired and scared. Merely surface shimmers.

I have made it through the day.

Bowra John is coming to do some repair jobs for me.

My daughter’s house is being built and has its roof on.




Through believing that a Higher Power can help, a man or a woman formerly eaten up with raging fear, anger, shame, doubt, guilt, and frustration may become calm and begin to grow spiritually by focusing on doing some simple steps, going to meetings, reading the Big Book, and talking to a sponsor. This person is not alone; there are other caring brothers and sisters who really do understand because they are dealing with the same problems the newcomer has. The simple act of believing that a Higher Power can restore us to sanity leads us into a family and into a new life where we can begin to see and experience a little sanity.
– A Hunger for Healing, p. 35

i was so much older then – tonight i mourn


I had best just keep getting younger and younger because OLD just isn’t worth the effort. I had a tearful day today. Just wanted to cry. I had begun to SHIMMER as J.B. used to say but now – I figure – I am so much younger now than I was this afternoon.


can’t write tonight. Hands cramped and seized and claw-like. Bum.

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Ah – a little better. I would just like to cry tonight. I am afraid of the seizures coming back. My Lass and me had a kind of messy day together. The Doc I went to see was truly horrible and useless. We shopped where Iz and I shopped and where he went on Thursdays for his work provisions for his men. I have become too TIRED this week and the Emotions have the edge on me. Seems like nothing is going right but it is only tiredness whispering to me.And now, for sitting and crying.



Origins in ‘quiet time’

In suggesting prayer and meditation as the primary practices for “conscious contact” with a Higher Power, Bill was influenced by the morning “quiet time” practiced by members of the Oxford Group, a movement dedicated to rediscovering the principles of early Christianity. Bill had probably read How to Listen to God, an Oxford pamphlet that listed basic conditions for quiet time: “To be quiet and still. To listen. To be honest about every thought that comes. To test the thoughts to be sure that they come from God. To obey.”

Bill echoed this openness to spiritual direction in his instructions for prayer and meditation on pages 85-88 of the Big Book. Admitting that it “would be easy to be vague” about these subjects, Bill tried to boil down his knowledge of spiritual practice into a short list of “definite and valuable suggestions” relating to Step Eleven. These he organized under three basic headings: what to do first thing in the morning, what to do throughout the day, and what to do at night before going to sleep.

At night

During his lectures about Step Eleven, Holmquist emphasizes the unity of the Steps. In fact, Steps Four to Nine prepare us for most of the processes described in Steps Ten and Eleven. This is especially clear in the Big Book’s list of questions to ask at night, as we review and end each day. For example:

  • Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? “This means asking how I did on my Fourth Step today,” says Holmquist.
  • Do we owe an apology? “This is asking about how I did on my Steps Eight and Nine.”
  • Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? “This means: How did I do on Step Five today?”

“In Steps Four through Nine, I clean up the wreckage of the past,” Holmquist adds. “In Steps Ten and Eleven, I clean up the wreckage of today–how my imperfections as a human complicate my life. These two Steps define what it means to completely give ourselves to this simple program.”

STEP 11.


The main thing that has brought me to tears is trying to make things work the way I want them to. When they didn’t, I wanted to cry and ended up hands cramped.  I am at a new stage post death and coma. I can feel that. I have improved another stage . Now I just need to programme myself a little more vigilantly again.





And tonight I mourn. Tonight I weep and howl and cry and sob. 


I wasn’t expecting this sorrowing. Didn’t have my eyes open for the sharks in the surf.



foto – lorikeet at the beachshack urunga 2015 november

4 meetings in a week has worked. I haven’t done that in a long time and I had almost forgotten the effect it has. It rained on and off today and was gentle and sweet.  Once more I ain’t saying much.

Tonight’s meeting was small which is interesting on Melbourne Cup Day. I wonder who was lured into grog and/or gambling today.

It was one of my favourite kind of meetings where we got close to one another and shared in depth.  I have been missing that with some very dominant incomer personalities around and a good amount of looking at other people instead of Self. Not tonight. Each person was focussed on Self and I came out of it feeling well. I can feel the edges of wellness which I haven’t reached since Izzy’s death. It might shimmer off again but I do believe I am nearing it.Like a town seen in the distance. So, my legs are very swollen. My Little Girls are sick. I am to go to Sydney to Liverpool Hospital. My Brother is turning 60. I have an Alfa to sell – and YET – for one night I am CALM and SERENE. Glory be. And not negative nor depressed or afraid. Glorious.

So – I may yet have hair raising skids down steep mountain roads. And I may yet struggle through boggy bleak wastelands – but NOT TONIGHT. TONIGHT IS SWEET.

The theme was STEP 11 and it expanded into the issues of work and taking care of ourselves.

Some of the Wisdoms I have heard over the years :






I dreamed today in the afternoon that I could convince Izzy to come back to me. But he is dead.

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I did Halloween yesterday. Iz loved Halloween and all celebration. So I did it. I drove my new little car and it was good. Poppy might have Hand Foot and Mouth which is a horrible disease. Everyone else is just fine.

I had a small day and it worked well.


Its still early enough to encounter things that “WE” had intended to do. Places “we” had intended to go. Those thoughts came today but the pain was minimal.

I have the money for the car here but rem and dons tok the Alfa for a drive and it didn’t muck up at all.

Today, I have once more slept almost all day. Weak as a lamb. I am growing accustomed to it. My Girl won a school award today. Wonderful !

Its quiet and dark and I am better at night than in the daytime. I got to live long enough to see the things I am seeing now. I am getting to see the Little Girls. And my own Kids as grown ups.

So – toughen up, Girl.Toughen up.

As so often in my Recovery, I am in the very difficult process of discipline. Of being still. Of allowing myself to be changed. I see it as the Incredible Hulk effect.The writhing transformation.

I am in one of those times which is not OUTCOME DIRECTED. That was the terminology being used when I stopped teaching school in 2005. OUTCOME DIRECTED. Not so – times like these. I have no idea of any Outcome to even try to direct myself to. I sit here, And attempt to allow myself to be changed. Into whatever is next. I would not do that if I could see a viable alternative – but I can’t. I thought I was sitting here on $10000 with all my major needs covered. Great Computer. Marvellous Car and then they went Poof! and the Money got gobbled and now – back to the changing room. Different makeup. Different costuming. All different.

The Midnight Train is passing through town now. That means bed for me.

lynne hallow