Cloudy and grey and just a little cool. I didn’t anticipate this life that I lead now. Just as Henri Nouwen wrote about. I do not know what will be next. I have slept almost all day again and am simply so weak.
It is OK. I am in the arms of whatever it is that takes care of me. I have tried hard and my energy is gone. My visions are dimmed. I sit beside the lagoon and ponder. CURIOUSLY, THE changes inside of me are comforting and strong even as my outer life seems to fade more and more. Its real submission. I have been here before. The battle fought and on my knees. It was like it when I got sober and clean. Its been like it on occasions since and now here I am in the middle of another one.
Each time I think that it might be the end of the losses, along comes the next one.
SWEET SURRENDER.
I have a lot of pleasures when I accept the simplicity of this time. My internet and the lagoon and my bed. The Girls when they come. The Harry Dresden books on Kindle from Jaybee. And the big gas heater. Almost everything else is a stretch too far.
And now back to the Blogging. Don’t know what else to do.
The point is, not to resist the flow. You go up when you’re supposed to go up and down when you’re supposed to go down. When you’re supposed to go up, find the highest tower and climb to the top. When you’re supposed to go down, find the deepest well and go down to the bottom. When there’s no flow, stay still.
THE SILVER BIRD 3 